The Littlest Lee: July 2014

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

A Chance to Reflect

**this post was written 11 months ago almost to the day, yet I have wavered back and forth about whether or not I wanted to post it. Alas, I think it's worth sharing. Be warned, it's a long one, but then again, so was my August of 2013. ;)** Who knew we would be right back in the same spot 9 months later, but after rereading and editing this post from a year ago, I am proud to say that we are stronger and more aware and most importantly thankful of our blessings each and every day.

First of Sept 2013...

picture taken 10 minutes before the break

stage 3 humerus fracture

This past weekend has been a true test - a test of strength and courage, patience and perseverance, and that of faith because it has been one of the hardest weekend's that we've had to endure as a family. In the past 72 hours, we have carried each other through ups and downs and have prayed to God and thanked Him for not only our little one's safety but for our own well-being as well.

The emotional roller coaster alone has made me question so many things about being the best mother that I can be, and it is truly the hardest job I have ever known as it's an around-the-clock, no breaks, no lunch hours, no vacation or sick days. Just me and the babies, all day every day. Don't get me wrong here, I love every second I get to spend with them and am so grateful that I get to be home with them on a daily basis, yet lately though, I have been having a tough time juggling it all by myself (closest family is 3 hours away) and have felt rather worn down. With that tired, worn-out feeling, I have learned that I simply need to give myself a break - taking time to better care for myself because if I can't take care of me, I can't take care of our children. Easy enough, right?

I know this, but it is easier said than done sometimes! I run around from sun up to sun down making sure that they are happy, clean, and fed, and more often than not, I forget about taking time for myself - the basic needs in life - eating, bathing, and getting enough sleep - I just haven't been good about it. I know it sounds terrible, and it is, but it's just a matter of fact. I sleep with one ear open, forget to fix myself lunch, and I get bathroom breaks with four tiny feet in tow. It's been hard to find the balance in my life - a chance to reflect on the day, reflect on my role in their lives, to just be me. Not mama, not wife, but Martha. It's a tough gig to balance, and although I am mama and wife first and foremost always, it is of benefit to us all for me to have an outlet besides the backyard! Heh.

So, I've started yoga recently, and I finally found something that I love, yet I have noticed with this new found "me time," I have been running myself even more ragged. So, for the past couple of weeks, I have really worked on taking that time for myself to just breathe, be thankful, and be in the moment. After a trip to my parents to simply get an extra pair of hands, and after I ran into a woman at the health food store whose wise words resonated within me, things were looking up again. "Think of the airplane. You always have to help yourself before you help another," the sweet lady at the health food store said as she was reaching for the last 5 bottles of Blk Water in the refrigerator leaving me one if I wanted it. She had recently lost her daughter at age 34 who left three young children behind, and she wanted me to understand the necessity in taking care of not only each other but ourselves in order to be here in the long run. I had never met this woman before, and I hope to run into her again to thank her for her kind words and grounding wisdom. After a trip to Macon and the meeting with this saintly person, I was feeling ready to take on the world again. Ready to take on each day with a grateful heart and an open mind.

this sentiment about sums it all up!

This past weekend is where I felt knocked down again. I feel as though the entire month of August has been a test of my faith because as soon as I get up, I get knocked down again. The biggest lesson learned here is to always keep the faith and always know that God is with us, not against us. In my life, I have learned very hard lessons, and each and every time I feel as though God has brought me to it, brought me through it, and that I've turned out an even better person in the end. Sure, I've had to learn the hard way along the way, but then again, who hasn't? I am living some of the best days of my life, and I wouldn't trade any of it for a second, but for the past month, I have been doing my best to just keep my head above water, and I have learned that that's OK too. It's OK to allow myself to feel overwhelmed from time to time with two tiny people that depend on me for their everything. It's a big job. Being a mother is the toughest gig on Earth, and I believe whole-heartedly that it takes a village to raise just one!

September 2013

I am their whole world, and it is in that responsibility that I feel some sort of guilt and extreme sadness for the event that unfolded Friday afternoon, August 30. As you all may know, Naomi suffered a stage three supracondylar fracture in her humerus bone....that's fancy for "snapped in half" just above the elbow. She was jumping on to her high double bed to grab some stuffed animals when she missed her footing and flew backwards - feet in the air. After a painstaking cry I'd never heard before that will surely haunt me for sometime, I ran around the side of the bed and immediately knew it was broken. With Ben in his diaper, and I in my...cap? No, more like ratty, no-one-should-see-me-like-this clothes, I ran to buckle him in the car, flew back in the house to tend to Omi and ever so carefully carried her and her deformed arm to her carseat.

"If only I had this.." or "if only I had that.." have been playing over and over again in my mind thinking things would have turned out differently. I have one million + things to be thankful for and for those I am so very thankful, yet I am tearing myself up inside about what I didn't do or what I could've prevented. It's a good lesson learned, as I know it wasn't my fault, but as a mother, you want to fix everything and endure your child's pain for them tenfold. Sometimes you just can't. Sometimes the only thing you can do is comfort them, and boy, is that a helpless feeling as a mother.

I think this entire thing has been harder on me than her because her resilience is amazing us all every day! I've learned that the strength of a 28lb three year old is way more than I ever thought of before, and I can learn so much from just watching her bounce back. She is one tough cookie, and I am one proud mama. Even through the toughest of times, we are shown grace and resilience, and for that, I am forever grateful!

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Summer 2014 & Benjamin's 2nd Birthday

Aw. The littlest blog that could. Where on Earth have I been, and why oh why haven't I taken the time to sit and reflect?? This blog was and still is a passion of mine, but I guess as cliche as it sounds, life's just kept me busy! I really and truly hope that I come around more often though!

Our summer has been crazy to say the least. Naomi broke her arm AGAIN - second time in a year...except this time at the beginning of the summer and not the end of it. Truly a terrifying experience both times around....more so the last time! As a mother, you feel your heart in your throat when the initial nurse at the ER asks your baby girl to squeeze her finger, hoping and praying for no nerve damage. It's a living nightmare to see a child so small, at less than 35lb, hurt that badly. It is awful, and even the largest and strongest of men shouldn't have to endure such pain. Here we are with a tiny, precious child.. I didn't take it so well this time, I was able to handle myself better the last time, and in both situations, I was at our local bakery drowning the entire family in donuts, sugar bread, as Andrew puts it. There is something so comforting in sugar bread around times of hurt! Martha, step away from the baked goods!

Family has been a true blessing through all of this, especially Andrew and his folks. We took a trip to see them in the mountains less than a week after the incident occurred, and being there with them lifted up all of our spirits. We had a blast just being there. Memama and Papa, as the kids so lovingly refer to A's folks, helped the kids build an awesome teepee out of nature and turned the entire yard into a kid's dream play place complete with it's own kitchen and diner. Naomi was begging to go play in the yard at 7am most days! We took a beautiful drive to Banner Elk that Saturday and hit up an outdoor art show, and I scored a simple yet beautiful spoon rest that I've been needing for the kitchen. It even came from a potter out of Atlanta. Proud to support one of our own! The next day, we walked down the mountain a little ways to a neighbor's house and watched the 4th of July fireworks. They were spectacular!! It was a pleasant trip and a much needed break from the summer we've had!

not so sure about the loud fireworks! "one mo...boom!" Ben and I walked back up to the house before the grand finale.

taking a break at the art festival in Banner Elk

Memama's so crafty! Love it.

With the arm, life has slowed down, and we have spent most of our time indoors instead of out in the sun and water where we belong. A Savannah summer without water is just plain ol' mean, but surprisingly enough, it feels so good to get back to my usual homebody self; the cook, wife, and mama I tend to be towards the fall. I like to spend my time in the kitchen as the weather cools, as the oven is not my friend in the hot months, but we - Naomi and I - have been canning and playing in the kitchen this summer....adding new and exciting things to our perpetually hot days spent inside. We've been canning pickles, jams, hot jellies, and the likes, and I am looking for new recipes daily. I really enjoy it, and Omi does too. Best pickles I've ever eaten - making a triple batch later this week. We've been making our own dough for pies and pizzas too, and I'm hoping to find a bread recipe soon that is not intimidating and proves true. If you know of one, please send it my way. My great Aunt Martha made the best bread, and I have yet to find the recipe. Aunt Robin?? Aunt Gayle?? You reading this? :) Not only is it fun to get in the kitchen and get messy, but it's saving money too. Always looking for ways to save!

We've been busy yet slow progressing with our kitchen redo too. Walls are painted, and next up are sanding and painting the cabinets. Quite a project on our hands and a little hesitant to take it on...especially in this heat! I've also been dabbling a bit into making homemade wooden signs. More on that later though. One thing at a time!

good ol Moschoppers getting bigger by the minute!

The best day of summer was easily last Friday, our sweet little boy's 2nd birthday. Benjamin is such a blessing to our family with his sweet and sensitive little soul. Although on the same token, he is a funny little guy who likes to walk on the wild side - always looking for an adventure. He is our little ninja, that Benjammin'. Also Wild Ben. Fitting that his Deddy gave him a miniature skateboard for his birthday. As ludicrous as that may sound, it fits him well. We spent the day adventuring around town with our first stop to the Children's Museum. We then made it to Savannah's Candy Kitchen where we got to watch salt water taffy being made, packaged, and hoisted up to the conveyor belt and delivered to the bin on the other side of the store. The machine that makes it all happen is 100 years old. Fascinating to say the least, and Benjamin scored quite a few pieces of free taffy - so fresh and still warm. Like a kid in a candy store was an understatement!

We had an awesome day celebrating our little wonder. He requested pie instead of cake, and I happily agreed. Sweet boy got a homemade pie that was way better than any cake could taste this time of year. Happy Birthday, Ben. You make my heart smile more and more every single day. We are blessed!