First of Sept 2013...
|picture taken 10 minutes before the break|
|stage 3 humerus fracture|
This past weekend has been a true test - a test of strength and courage, patience and perseverance, and that of faith because it has been one of the hardest weekend's that we've had to endure as a family. In the past 72 hours, we have carried each other through ups and downs and have prayed to God and thanked Him for not only our little one's safety but for our own well-being as well.
The emotional roller coaster alone has made me question so many things about being the best mother that I can be, and it is truly the hardest job I have ever known as it's an around-the-clock, no breaks, no lunch hours, no vacation or sick days. Just me and the babies, all day every day. Don't get me wrong here, I love every second I get to spend with them and am so grateful that I get to be home with them on a daily basis, yet lately though, I have been having a tough time juggling it all by myself (closest family is 3 hours away) and have felt rather worn down. With that tired, worn-out feeling, I have learned that I simply need to give myself a break - taking time to better care for myself because if I can't take care of me, I can't take care of our children. Easy enough, right?
|this sentiment about sums it all up!|
This past weekend is where I felt knocked down again. I feel as though the entire month of August has been a test of my faith because as soon as I get up, I get knocked down again. The biggest lesson learned here is to always keep the faith and always know that God is with us, not against us. In my life, I have learned very hard lessons, and each and every time I feel as though God has brought me to it, brought me through it, and that I've turned out an even better person in the end. Sure, I've had to learn the hard way along the way, but then again, who hasn't? I am living some of the best days of my life, and I wouldn't trade any of it for a second, but for the past month, I have been doing my best to just keep my head above water, and I have learned that that's OK too. It's OK to allow myself to feel overwhelmed from time to time with two tiny people that depend on me for their everything. It's a big job. Being a mother is the toughest gig on Earth, and I believe whole-heartedly that it takes a village to raise just one!
"If only I had this.." or "if only I had that.." have been playing over and over again in my mind thinking things would have turned out differently. I have one million + things to be thankful for and for those I am so very thankful, yet I am tearing myself up inside about what I didn't do or what I could've prevented. It's a good lesson learned, as I know it wasn't my fault, but as a mother, you want to fix everything and endure your child's pain for them tenfold. Sometimes you just can't. Sometimes the only thing you can do is comfort them, and boy, is that a helpless feeling as a mother.
I think this entire thing has been harder on me than her because her resilience is amazing us all every day! I've learned that the strength of a 28lb three year old is way more than I ever thought of before, and I can learn so much from just watching her bounce back. She is one tough cookie, and I am one proud mama. Even through the toughest of times, we are shown grace and resilience, and for that, I am forever grateful!